So here I am at the Townplace Suites in East Nowhere, PA... that's right, the Townplace Suites. The "good news" given to me by overly friendly "Jay" at the so-called "front desk" of said hotel establishment was that due to my numerous recent hotel stays at the Marriott chain hotels - I was getting upgraded. Which turned out to mean that I would have a crappy suite with two bedrooms. Awesome.
Basically my travel itinerary went thusly: fly into a vibrant urban center on the eve of a momentous historical and political event, rent a "standard" car from Avis (Hyundai Azera - which, it turns out is the fourth generation of a car originally called the Hyundai Grandeur, arguably the greatest automotive oxymoron of all time, which made its debut in 1986... honestly, how horrible does a car need to be to only have had four generations in 23 years?... at least Avis is still buying), then use my trusty iPhone to drive my cool-mobile as far as I can possibly get from any appreciable civilization, finally to rendezvous with suspiciously upbeat Jay and check into my pimp castle at the Towny Swee. Of course, all of this would have been slightly more tolerable if the outside temperature was, say, somewhere north of 20 degrees.
Instead, I'm enduring this tragic procession to a deep social sinkhole in parts east of the Keystone State in conditions that, if they occurred in Los Angeles, would be declared an Emergency Condition. The worst part of it all was that other hotel patrons were quick to inform me that I was lucky that I hadn't been in town in the week before, when the weather had been, unbelievably, colder. That's right, in weather cold enough to freeze the majority of your bodily fluids inside of ten minutes, residents were reveling in their good fortune to have temperatures not in the single digits. It's no wonder everyone from this part of the country hates California. In terms of weather, Pennsylvania is a chess club president to California's sunshiney prom queen.
But of all the wholly disappointing things about Montgomery County, PA, the worst was that it was so far from Philadelphia that the only place for 20 miles that was offering cheesesteaks was SUBWAY... No thanks, I can get that hot mess of a sandwich served up to me back in the land of palm trees and widespread (and completely acceptable) sociopathy.
So, on balance, my trip to Philadelphia offered nothing truthfully redeeming in the way of value - save the opportunity to understand why I pay so much for rent, and to appreciate the unbounded coolness of having been able to transfer shows from my TiVo to my phone, and foresight to have done it before week-tripping into the land that God forgot.
2 comments:
So, essentially, you are saying that you didn't like Philadelphia - wait, scratch that - Montgomery County, because it was cold and you could not get a cheesesteak?
Try maybe going to, you know, the actual city of Philadelphia. Maybe you will see what it really has to offer - not a lot in glamour, no - but its rich historical value. And you could probably find a cheesesteak.
And being from Pennsylvania, I can tell you right now that I love California and would pretty much do anything to go there someday. But it is bitter attitudes like yours that make me wary of leaving "the land god forgot".
Seriously?
Crazy Girl, I certainly didn't mean to indict Philly in my post (hence the reference to it as a "vibrant urban center" in the opening paragraph). I've been to Philly many times - and always in the winter, and had a blast. There's personality to spare, and everyone is friendly if not a little charmingly rugged.
My trip was mostly colored by being a LONG way from Philly and any of it's charms, and being forced to stay in a hotel that I would have hated as a college student, let alone as a legal professional.
As far as California attitudes are concerned, though - mine is a VERY tame version of it, so if you come for a visit or to stay, be prepared.
And finally, to you last question: "seriously?"... no. Not seriously at all.
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